Yes, he does! I addressed that in my answer. It’s another parallel between Kaneki and Amon and Akira–they all think of themselves as better than. I’m going to quote this meta I wrote on Kaneki and apply it to Amon and Akira with some adaptations:
Kaneki absolutely loathes himself. He sets up seemingly hypocritical
boundaries like “killing ghouls fine, killing humans no, but I’m the
ghoul king” because it’s literally the only way he can live with
himself. It’s a maladaptive coping mechanism. He does not believe he’s
worth love if he isn’t good enough, if he isn’t kind enough…
Amon sets up this “I’m a ghoul investigator and so are you Takizawa!” boundary in order to save Takizawa, even though they are both ghouls and they are both murderers at this point so there is no logic in that argument. But it’s how he lives with himself. Being a ghoul investigator was probably his way of paying back what happened with Donato as a child, of him atoning for it really–but he can’t.
Amon cannot forgive himself. And furthermore he cannot face himself. He’s fighting with the other humans and didn’t tell them he was a ghoul even though that might have actually helped convince the CCG to work with ghouls. He doesn’t want to accept his ghoul nature for the same reason Kaneki has a hard time accepting it: because to admit that he has been turned into the creature responsible for his trauma as a child, known only for killing (though that’s inaccurate) is terrifying for him. He does not want to be Donato 2.0, and by running from becoming Donato 2.0 by becoming a ghoul investigator, he teamed up with Mado (aka Donato 2.0) and became Donato 3.0. It’s tragically ironic.
As for Akira, love has always been caught up in her father since her mother died when she was so young. And Mado always viewed himself as justified killing ghouls because of what happened to Akira’s mother. So therefore love for Akira has always been tied up in having a purpose to live, and that purpose has always been tied to killing ghouls. Without that hatred, as she herself says, she’s empty. Additionally, Akira is struggling with the same black and white worldview Kaneki sets up: if ghouls are the same as humans, then she and her father are murderers, and if they are murderers and their purpose for living was wrong, do they deserve to live at all? If her father was a sadistic child murderer, how can he also be a kind father to her? (Which he was, btw.) The answer is because it’s gray, it’s all gray, but Akira is struggling to accept this.
Amon and Akira are hurting children internally as well, just like Kaneki. But that doesn’t excuse what they are doing by pretending to be better, because pretending is never a path to self-actualization. Enter Donato. And Takizawa.
I mean, the whole thing is that Takizawa also has many issues of his own that he needs to solve, because he doesn’t see himself as deserving of much for example, despite being the only one of their little trio who actually moved on from the past and accepted his new condition (even if that meant making it his punishment at the same time by letting go of Akira and Amon).
It’s as you said @hamliet: Amon and Akira are struggling to let go of the past because they’re scared of what consequences and changes their awareness about the world’s situation will bring to them.
So I really think Takizawa is supposed to be the one (the hero) making them realize that moving on and acceptance are okay (and that it doesn’t make Amon anything remotely close to Donato or Akira the worst person ever), while they’ll reassure him that he still has a place to belong.
it’s most likely Polaris, “Sirius”’ butler or so he said he was in ch123, because the same knives can be seen in his room in ch117.
The question remains as to who Polaris really is, if he’s a new random character (brought back from the dead) or not, but we have no way to know for now (I was hoping the new chapter would confirm something so that I could make a theory but I will have to do without xD).
So we’ll have to see for his real identity, probably in a few more months seeing the pacing lately, but you can definitely consider that Polaris was Agni’s killer, acting on orders from Sirius aka real!Ciel.
…was not ok, M has a serious problem with violence, yes, but it was
also symbolic that people meant to protect him (akira his superior, or
his mother) protecting his agressors instead (takizawa and his father) i
did find karmatic M attacking T bc it was T’s ambush that put M in
torso’s reach, that whole figth was levels of gray with A later
attacking M and the Qs, the fact that S just killed a whole squad is
never even touch after, yet it seams that Ak & A where given the
moral high ground…
… where given the moral high ground after that, after all M is the
monster, M attacked S and Ak, but so did S and houji, M is the one that
goes into a dark path after while Ak, A & S get to peace out the
story & come back as heros later, im not saying that attacking Ak
was good, it was wrong, but everyone there was wrong, and we see M admit
that he killed and that makes him a murderer, and it burdens him, yet
Ak is proud at how many ghouls she killed and using feguchi and that
just bothers me
I don’t hate you, don’t worry! And while I really
love Akira and Amon both as characters, I have similar frustrations with
them. (Amon especially because his arc is pretty pathetic in :re
whereas it was fantastic in TG.)
I mean, I think the moral
high ground examples you’re citing are more problems with the fandom
always wanting to demonize Mutsuki than with how the story presents
them. It wasn’t shocking to me that Mutsuki crushed Takizawa’s balls or
stabbed Akira. It was wrong, yes, but it also wasn’t technically illegal
according to the laws of the CCG (the laws are wrong though).
But
I would say that I disagree about how Akira and Amon are characterized afterwards.
Akira made the morally right (according to the story) decision when she
broke with the CCG to save Takizawa.
Of course that action is perceived
as good by the story. But since then, Akira and Amon have not been
heroes–they’ve needed rescuing from Takizawa, who saved both of them,
because he is the hero in their story, as he always wanted to be. He just hasn’t realized it yet. My guess is he’s going to have to save their asses from Donato pretty soon.
Also
Akira has not expressed pride in her actions since 120, though we have seen her express that her father wouldn’t be happy with her. She expressed a very conflicted
worldview at that point, because it was undeniable to her that ghouls
were not monsters after Hinami and the Aogiri kids, but to admit that
you’re a murderer–just like we’ve seen with Kaneki–is not easy to do.
Plus, if this happens as Akira says, her father’s legacy is tarnished
forever… which is what Touka told her to do, but Touka also needs to do this with Kaneki who is a parallel for Arata (admit that what he did was wrong).
It’s no coincidence this was said in a conversation between Touka and Akira because this is a way they still need to grow, both of them.
Yes, I am bothered that they just get to waltz
back into the story after abandoning Goat, because the right thing to do
is not to run away, it’s to create a better world and if you don’t know
what that looks like (see Akira and Amon’s emptiness talk in 121) you
figure it out.
But then again, what they did is not much worse than what
Touka and Kaneki did, because they also made no effort to find out what
that might look like as recent chapters have bluntly stated to us.
Akira thought Kaneki killed Arima too because he lied to her about that,
so she probably had a hard time coming to terms with that (and yet Hinami was forced to hug it out with her, so ughhhhh there’s definitely hypocrisy there). I’m not saying it’s right.
I’m saying it’s understandable.
Along those lines, Akira
and Amon foil Kaneki in that aspect: always seeing themselves as better
than, because that’s how they cope with what they’ve done. It’s a coping
mechanism as much as Kaneki’s brokenness is a coping mechanism. It’s
their way of feeling as if they deserve to live, because to live they
need a purpose, and their purpose for Akira was taught to be being liker
her father, and for Amon atoning for what he helped Donato do. Except
Akira does not want to be like her father, not deep down, and Amon
cannot atone for that because a) he was a kid and shouldn’t be faulted
for it, and b) you can’t bring back the dead.
Now as a
ghoul, Amon can’t see himself as morally superior, though he tries.
Hence why he can’t actually accomplish anything–not saving Takizawa,
not saving Kurona. He refuses to acknowledge that he’s been made into a
representation of what he’s always been: a murderer, and just like
Donato (and Mado) a child murderer. He’s not better than Takizawa. (This is why I think Hajime is very
important to Amon’s arc.) Until he accepts this, he’s stagnating. At least
currently he and Akira are trying to help ghouls, but like, they can’t
really help them from a moral high ground that is built on sand because
they don’t actually have a moral high ground.
Since Kaneki’s recently made progress, I really think Amon and Akira are next on the docket to get that revelation. I also believe Akira will have to give Fueguchi back to Hinami and apologize. At least. She better. And Amon better apologize as well.
Akira and Amon have not been heroes–they’ve needed rescuing from Takizawa, who saved both of them, because he is the hero in their story, as he always wanted to be. He just hasn’t realized it yet. My guess is he’s going to have to save their asses from Donato pretty soon.
Hi Anon! And good question. 🙂 I think the fact that Griffith didn’t finish his thought led to some awkward translation because the translator understandably didn’t have any way to know what Griffith meant.
However I think you’re close enough. 🙂 Upon finding the beherit again, Griffith remembered about what it meant…
…so I think he was ready to call them (remember that he was trying to kill himself just a moment before that, so he was really desperate because everything was getting out of his reach), although probably not knowing how, which is when Guts showed up.
I definitely think that a part of Griffith knew there would be bad consequences if Guts were to reach him because…
he knew of the legend surrounding what he was hoping to do.
Also, this is how Griffith was thinking about Guts, just before he was rescued:
so I think another possible interpretation would be to say that he was afraid that Guts would find a way to bring him back from the brink of despair he was currently drowning in and that, as a result, the Godhand wouldn’t answer his call.
One thing I think is very important to understand about Griffith’s character is that there is no doubt, even though he saw most of them as his pawns, that only a real and deep desperation led him to sacrifice all of his comrades, because that was the only way he had left not to let his dream get out of reach (Griffith’s dream >>> everything else).
You can also see this in how his feelings towards Guts drastically changed between when he was still human (see above), when he was about to become Femto…
As a human, he had the luxury to have mixed feelings because humans are always considered to be on the grey spectrum of characterization (they can waver between white and black). As a Godhand though (an “all black and no white” character), he had no doubt anymore, hence saying that he was “free” (as in, free from the possibility of Guts making him forget about his dream again).
TL;DR it isn’t particularly surprising to see Griffith having mixed feelings about losing Guts up until he’s presented with the megalomaniacal idea to achieve his dream more easily and quickly than ever before. He was only human and Guts was actually the only person he couldn’t see as just a pawn.
Sorry for rambling, I hope it makes sense! Have a nice weekend 🙂
Hello Anon, no worries at all. 🙂 Did you mean when I said this? [x]
Okay so, it comes from the fact that ever since Casca and Guts realized that it was okay for them to accept their feelings for each other before the Eclipse, things changed so much so quickly that basically everyone noticed.
Judeau, Pippin… even Charlotte (who basically indirectly told Casca “hey so, love totally changed you????”) did, so you can be sure that one year of horror wouldn’t have stopped Griffith from noticing that the dynamic amongst their little trio had changed too, because:
Griffith used to be the one Guts followed and the one Casca was clearly devoted to
then Guts left because he decided not to abandon his own goal for the sake of Griffith’s dream
but after vol9, it turned out Guts was actually very happy to follow Casca while Casca’s heart now belonged to Guts.
And Sensei really insisted on the fact that Griffith instantly realized things were different, by showing him staring very intently at his friends more than once, which was extremely creepy. Two examples amongst many:
or
Basically you see the current twisted sort of love triangle [Roderick => Farnese <= Serpico] and Sensei always drawing a panel of Serpico staring most of the time Farnese interacts with Roderick? It was the same back then with Griffith, except that I have high hopes that Serpico won’t become an Apostle over his codependency with Farnese.
Anyway, Griffith stared and stared until it led to this…
Fortunately, he was so weak that nothing happened at the time but it’s really impossible to misinterpret that he was basically trying to gauge or reenact Casca’s old devotion to him by showing some… affection.
If this doesn’t make a lot of sense, just think that Griffith was definitely aware of Casca’s feelings for him in the past but he never addressed them on purpose, because Casca’s devotion made her a skilled blade and right-hand woman and it also meant not giving her an opportunity to move on (at least until she herself fell in love with someone else).
So Griffith, who totally noticed how close Casca and Guts got, tried to see if he could shift Casca’s focus over Guts onto him again, which obviously didn’t happen and which led to…
another very pivotal moment.
Moving on to the Eclipse and to Griffith becoming Femto, in that aspect it’s not so surprising that, after becoming so very powerful and invincible, his prideful demonic ass decided to make Guts and Casca pay for excluding him out of their little trio (especially when he used to be the center of that trio) while he was being tortured for a whole year.
Call that pride, jealousy or whatever else you want, he suddenly had the power to make them pay for moving on without him and so he did just that.
From the moment he always made sure to give Guts a very clear sight of him hurting Casca when she herself was begging Guts not to look, that’s how you know the main point of Femto doing what he did was to punish both of them for choosing the other over him.
I hope it’s clearer that way. For a more detailed interpretation of what happened during the Eclipse, please check this post.
“Survivor’s guilt is a mental condition that occurs when a person believes they have done something wrong by surviving a traumatic event when others did not.” [x]
And that’s all you need to know why “Earl Ciel Phantomhive” came to be born while our!Ciel’s true identity died with his brother: survivor’s guilt made our!Ciel believe that his brother died in his stead, his brother whom he saw as the strongest for a long time and who wanted the power to protect the two of them.
So he acquired more power than anyone else through contracting Sebastian and that’s how “Ciel Phantomhive” could be reborn even after he died in his little brother’s stead.
Hi Anon! Well, first of all, Ciel was not particularly honest with himself in ch95, in my opinion…
That being said, I definitely think he wasn’t lying when he said…
…for two reasons:
the contract is a mean to a revenge he is exacting for himself but it’s also something our!Ciel sees as a punishment
the more we see of this flashback, the more I have the feeling that “Earl Ciel Phantomhive” represents a fusion between the twins, so for “himself” would actually mean “for real!Ciel + for our!Ciel”.
About #2, I think it might make more sense if you read @thedarkestcrow‘s take on why our!Ciel took his brother’s identity first, because for now I think that it’s precisely what our!Ciel initially intended to do: he was the spare/extra to their father’s heir, he thought his brother had died “in his stead”, he gained a power stronger than everyone else (Seb), so he tried to keep his brother “alive”.
However, the problem with this decision is that you cannot erase your own identity that easily.
Our!Ciel tried to become his brother, because of survivor’s guilt, because he wanted to keep the image of his strong brother living…
but our!Ciel’s true self was still there too. In the first place, stealing his brother’s identity was mostly a deception for himself and not for other people, so that he would manage to be strong for the two of them, but…
if he built the Funtom company, which was our!Ciel’s personal dream as a child if you remember, it must have been for himself and not for his brother.
our!Ciel is terrified to be happy because he’s supposed to be acting as his brother’s spare (since that’s how he sees himself + survivor’s guilt), so caring about Lizzie and Soma (for example) as much as he does with his own feelings and not because he’s supposed to be his brother is another contradiction to his decision to live as his brother’s spare, out of guilt.
In other words, what Soma explained in ch126 isour!Ciel being inwardly conflicted between how he decided to live 4 years ago (as his brother’s spare) and what he, as himself, a person separate and different from his brother, felt ever since.
In my opinion, that’s the reason why we could see two “Ciels” during his PTSD episode of the GW arc.
The two Ciels do represent himself and his brother but in fact, both are a part of who he currently is, both are what makes “Earl Ciel Phantomhive” and that’s why I’m convinced that Yana will never give her main character any other identity besides “Earl Ciel Phantomhive” for as long as he lives.
So when he found his resolve in ch95 and said that it was all “just for himself”, well, yes it’s true, but himself = both twins now, he just hasn’t realized that yet.
I hope it answers your question? Have a nice day Anon. 🙂
Chapter 137 apparently confirms what I wrote above two months ago about the current “Earl Ciel Phantomhive” being a fusion of both twins due to survivor’s guilt (my poor boy, it’s so sad ;_;).
Next month’s chapter is the last of vol27, so we should probably expect the end of the flashback, us going back to present time, probably with our!Ciel collapsing from the stress and the cold rain as the volume’s cliffhanger.
Aww Anon, I meant a fusion in the sense that our!Ciel tried to live on as his brother because of survivor’s guilt
(hence him taking the name “Ciel Phantomhive”), but ultimately failed to entirely do so, because it’s not that simple to completely erase yourself and become someone you’re not. 😉
That’s what I tried to explain using ch95: the contract and the revenge isn’t just for our!Ciel’s sake as he pretended back then. It’s also meant to be for his twin too, since the twin dying in such horrible circumstances is the reason our!Ciel decided to become him and seek more power.
So real!Ciel, bizarre doll or whatever, is real!Ciel. It’s just that our!Ciel tried to cope with his trauma in a certain way, by making the memory of real!Ciel survive while himself was supposed to disappear, except that our!Ciel’s true self is still there. Thus “Earl Ciel Phantomhive” could be seen as a fusion of both twins.
Look, just take the current subplot leading to our!Ciel confronting his brother as the idea that it’s time he moves past survivor’s guilt. Our!Ciel has the right to exist as himself, he’s not responsible for what happened to real!Ciel and thus doesn’t have to live while thinking he has to pretend to be his brother.
OHMYGOD THIS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE??? LIKE THIS IS PROBABLY WHY FRANCES HID HER FACE BEHIND HER FAN
Because she didn’t want her husband to remember that he had seen her once before they met in that fencing match!!
But
Lemme take this one step further ok
What if
Vincent made her sister pull a Viola Johnson (from the movie She’s the Man)??? As in he made Frances dress up as himself to take his place in the match??
Your second proposition is contradicting canon so I’m afraid this…
cannot be Frances because she’d never impersonate her brother with bangs, without speaking of even letting a stranger hug her chest. Rather this…
is obviously Frances in comparison, taking her brother’s place during his own wedding while he was off risking his life to finish a super important case for Victoria.
See the difference? It’s all about the bangs, so actually I think that Frances was this guy
because of #no-bangs + wearing fake glasses to fit in + the two siblings hugging each other out of joy.
midnight-in-town 