Oh fuck it makes a lot more sense now, why Akira shielding Takizawa had such an impact on him, and why Takizawa was so frenzied with fighting Amon.
He was already doubting that no one cared about him anymore and his guilt was multiplied tenfold by the fact he could tell Houji let him win… Houji letting him kill him said, “I can’t let that you go even after trying to prove yourself to me became you’re a monster but I care about you too much to kill you so you’ll have to kill me.” That was a great sacrifice… but. Takizawa being forced to kill someone that loved him kinda reiterated his fear that he was a monster by forcing him to kill a loved one an act that is in itself monsterous and escalated his self-hate by about a thousand.
So when someone literally set aside not just their possible life but also their honor and actually said what they felt that second time it completely shattered the shaky idea he had that his existence was worthless.
It might also explain the fact of why he couldn’t immediately accept Amon’s offer at redemption, for one thing, he didn’t feel worthy of it, for another Amon was a little like Houji in that… he still wasn’t really accepting what Takizawa had become even when he was wanting to save him… (He could only see that as a reason to live later and it’s still unclear if he’s really accepted it.)
It took the dose of unconditional, “I’m really angry with you to the point I told you to die because I hate feeling what I do and I have unsorted issues with ghouls atm but ultimately I don’t care what you’ve become I’d still give up my honor and my life to save you without an expecation of recipication because I care about you.” that really got through to him… Even if part of it was guilt for not being able to save him before… Maybe even because it acknowledged part of what happened wasn’t his fault…
Adding onto @sentrakk‘s theory here, and adding on to Ishida’s very extra symbolism with the chiastic structure and chapter numbers, we are 33 chapters from 204…
Guess what chapter 33 in the original TG is? The first time we see this gang altogether for the first time.
One of the interesting little tidbits I noticed in 171 was this little panel right here.
Yomo reflects that his not doing anything at all might have added to the loss at Anteiku, which directly foils something Kaneki had said just a few chapters earlier
and even more concisely, during the kenference
Which I think represents exactly what Ishida is trying to say, that there aren’t any concise, correct answers to the war at hand and that struggling through them is something that must be done for the end to be worth something.
The struggle comes from characters effectively throwing up their hands and going ‘well if that didn’t work, what else?’
Life isn’t a two-track railroad, but it’s hard to view it as anything other than that – what if I went to that college? What if I hadn’t said that to him? What if I didn’t move there? What if I took that job?
That’s the struggle in Tokyo Ghoul, maybe things would’ve been different, but maybe they would’ve been worse. We can stand back and judge the actions of the characters, but in their shoes would our alterations be different?
Pushing forward is an important theme.
And our choices will always have consequences. You must learn from them, and understand that there will be what-ifs, but there is no golden choice in a world built upon the back of death.
Interesting how the strings we can see are kinda similar in these two panels, especially when Donato was referred to as “Crown” before and since there is a lot of symbolism associated to him being a OEG (+ same topic, “love”, in both panels).
I know that there is a lot of discussion about Donato being the Nagaraj right now, but ch151 at least seems to contradict that idea (just my opinion, obviously we could be trolled by Sensei and he could make that panel about Donato instead of possibly Uta), even if this doesn’t really matter since it was said that there were 2OEGs before Eto in the timeline anyway.
EDIT: tho’ I guess that seeing Sasaki’s puffy hairstyle compared to Kaneki’s, the One Eyed Washuu could be considered to be a younger Donato with black straight hair, his current beard hiding the mole on his chin (in that case he would be half Russian/half Japanese then?).
I guess we’ll see. :3
the weird thing is that both Uta and Donato are associated with the Hindu myth about Vasuki/the Nagaraj/etc so I’m just not sure about who’s who, with all the possibilities. I mean, there is this exchange…
*sigh*
so I’m not buying the red herrings about either of them (tho’ that wouldn’t have to stop Sensei obviously): Sensei hinted a lot about both of them, Itori and Nico are also still mysterious and suspicious in their own ways so there IS something up about all of the Clowns.
SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHH
i’m just tired SENSEI STOP WITH ALL THE HINTS/RED HERRINGS OR WHATEVER, i’m about to go insane…