Tanaka: Final question. The young master has a dinner date booked at seven. At what time do you arrive?
Sebastian: Seven. AM. Case the restaurant, run background checks on the staff. Can the cook be trusted? If not, kill him. Dispose of the body, replace him with my own guy no later than 4:30.
Tanaka: … you’re ready.
Sebastian: Really?
Tanaka: No. Everything you said was insane.

Alexis: You are the sunshine of my life! You alone reign in my heart, without you life is but a dreary cloud.

Francis: Is this a proposal or a weather report?

Vincent @Alexis be like

((Btw I totally have this headcanon that Frances started to like Alexis back without anyone besides him noticing at first, so whenever there would be other people with them, they’d be all distant and snarky at each other on purpose to make sure no one would catch on but, afterwards, Alexis would always find a way to sneak back without anyone else around to give her a light kiss on the cheek))

((and then Alexis kinda got way ahead of himself and suddenly went to ask Vincent for his sister’s hand one day, and Vincent went like “lmao bitch u thought” because he was dead certain that Frances wanted nothing to do with Alexis, until Frances proved him dead wrong by kissing Alexis right in front of anyone and agreeing to his proposal))

tfw Ishida won’t be trusted anymore

Ishida in Re ch122: *has Touka confessing to Kaneki*
TG fandom: no but Tsukiyama interrupted them so we can’t be sure that Kaneki feels the same
Ishida in Re ch124: *has Touka straddling Kaneki and going for a kiss*
TG fandom: no but maybe he’s going to block Touka’s kiss because his pal Amon once did the same with Akira
Ishida in Re ch125: *draws an entire chapter about Kaneki and Touka having sex*
TG fandom: no but what if it’s Itori and not Touka?
Ishida: (≖_≖ )

Agni’s funerals be like

Ciel: we are gathered here today because SOMEBODY *glares at dead-but-apparently-kinda-brought-back-to-life-and-very-angry twin* couldn’t stay dead, as in not capable of pursuing physical revenge after what happened to him 4 years ago.
Soma: wait, what about Agni?
Ciel: Sorry, let me try that again. *clears throat* We are gathered here today because SOMEONE *glares at Soma* didn’t go back to India when his faithful butler advised him to.
Undertaker & Seb: lmao

Sebastian: It’s a package from Edward.
Ciel: What’s in it?
Sebastian: It’s heavy. Must be his disappointment in you.

Ciel: I know we don’t always see eye to eye on things…
Edward: That’s because you’re too short to see eye to eye with me.
Edward: Here. *pulls out a step stool*

Ciel: There’re three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Phantomhive way.
Sebastian: Isn’t that the wrong way?
Ciel: Yeah, but it’s faster.

Discussing Food

Sebastian: Does anyone here have allergies that stop you from eating certain foods?
Some demon: I can’t eat Ciel Phantomhive because I have taste buds.

incorrectaceattorney:

Kay: It’s spelled T-H-E-I-F
Edgeworth: T-H-I-E-F
Kay: T-H-E-I-F!
Edgeworth: “I before E, except after C”.
Kay: T-H-C-E-I-F
Edgeworth: No.

Submitted by @foggyfriday

“The quickest way to a gentleman’s heart is through the fourth and fifth rib.”

totallyaccuratebbquotes:

~ Francis Midford.